Crush
by Sculla
Summary: After realising that the PTSD Asari in Huerta was talking about Joker's little sister Shepard tells the pilot the painful truth about his family.


**_Filling a prompt from the MassKinkmeme._**

**_Instead of just leaving him to worry about his sister's fate, Shepard tells Joker (who he is in a relationship with) about what happened in Tiptree. Hurt/comfort ensues._**

**Crush**

John's pace got slower and slower as he approached the helm where Joker sat in the pilot's seat until he had come to a complete stop at the door to the bridge. He lent his forehead against the cool metal door and sighed. He didn't want to do this. _Damn that Asari!_ He thought with a surge of anger, Joker didn't deserve this.

When he'd taken the pilot down a notch after Thessia and had Joker throw his own anger and worry back, he'd come to the realisation that the man wasn't unmarked by the war. Joker had family and he hadn't heard from them since the Reapers had attacked his home colony. And to think that he had never asked his lover about his family filled John with shame. Joker took Anderson's orders to heart; he looked after John's mental and physical well-being probably better than his own and John should have realised that a long time ago.

Hell, the pilot had left the Alliance to join Cerberus; a known pro-human terrorist organization, when they told him that they could bring his old Commander back to life. When John allowed himself to think about it, Joker was really the only one who had stayed with him right from the beginning. Sure Garrus had followed him after Saren, the Collectors and now the Reapers but it was the brittle boned pilot who managed to work his way into the Commanders heart and now, now John was about to hit Joker with something that he wasn't entirely sure the pilot could cope with.

Knowing that he'd stalled long enough on the matter, John tapped the holographic console before him and the door separating him from the pilot opened with a hiss. He moved into the darkened area and hesitated briefly before moving to stand behind the pilot's chair and placing his hands on the back.

"Hey Commander, what's up?"

John looked down and saw that Joker had tilted his head back to see him and was giving him a wide smile in greeting. The smile faded somewhat when the pilot noticed the quiet and serious expression his Commander was wearing.

"EDI, can you take the helm? I need to have a word with Joker." John asked as he turned away from the pilot and looked over at the synthetic sitting in the navigator's seat.

"Of course, Commander." EDI replied. A quick gesture and the lights across the console before Joker dimmed as the AI took control of the Normandy.

"Hey, you're not gonna fire me are you?" Joker jested.

John stepped back and permitted the pilot to spin his chair around allowing him to climb out of the seat. He reached out and put a hand on the other man's shoulder to steady him but remained silent for fear of suddenly blurting out the news in the less than sympathetic way he was known to , he wasn't any good at this type of thing. When Ashley died on Virmire her family received the news in John's usual blunt fashion and it was only Joker's urging that he actually followed it up with an email saying how she had been an amazing soldier and would be greatly missed on the Normandy. The situation's irony was not lost on him.

"Okay, so serious then." Joker stated as he looked up at the grim expression on John's face. "Hey, umm…" Joker sent quick glance at the empty hall behind John and side look toward EDI before hesitantly stepping closer. "Shepard…we're good right? I mean…us?" he asked quietly, his green eyes running across John's face as he tried to decipher what the problem was.

"Yeah." John replied as he brought up a hand and brushed the side of Joker's furred cheek. "We're good. It just…there's something I need to tell you."

Joker turned his head into the touch before he shot the biotic a look that was half joking and half worried. "You're not dying right? I mean you did just come back from Huerta." The slight grin fell from Joker's face when he saw John wince. "You _aren't_, right?"

"No." John responded. "No, I'm not dying." Dammit, he needed to get his act together if he was to be the rock he figured Joker was going to need. "Come on, we'll go to my quarters." He added before giving a sharp nod to EDI and leading the way through the CIC to the elevator.

He heard Joker's staggered footsteps behind him and slowed his pace. No matter how much he wanted this moment to be over, he shouldn't make it any harder on Joker by making him practically run to keep up. They passed Kaidan in the CIC and the second biotic send John a sympathetic look. John was pathetically grateful when Kaidan silently asked if he needed a hand with breaking the news but he shook his head nonetheless; he owed it to Joker to tell him privately.

The journey to his quarters was made in silence and John noticed the mixed looks of curiosity and worry Joker kept sending him. When they finally entered his cabin; and damn wasn't that the longest elevator ride in history; he paused, unsure of what the next move was supposed to be in a situation like this.

He turned to face Joker and noted that the man was standing hesitantly on the step between his work area and the rest of the room. "So…" Joker began before trailing off unsurely.

Sitting down. He had read somewhere that when giving bad news it was best that the recipient was sitting down, it prevented injury if the shock caused them to collapse. A good thing in Joker's situation, John thought. "Sit down." He said, before wincing slightly as the suggestion came out more as an order than he had intended.

Joker sent him a wary look before hesitantly moving forward and lowering himself onto the edge of one of the couches with a wince. John remained standing and hesitated once more. The silence reined for several minutes before Joker rolled his eyes and sent John an annoyed look. "Okay seriously Shepard, just spit it out already."

John jumped a little at the outburst before moving to sit beside the pilot on the couch. God, how was he supposed to do this? He could take on crazed Spectres, Mercenaries and Reapers with nothing more than his biotics and a shotgun but he couldn't spit out a small sentence without the gut-wrenching fear that he would crush Joker's world. So much for the tough, renegade persona he was trying to give off.

He sighed and ran a hand over the stubble on his head. This was a lot harder to do with a person you cared a lot about. "As you know I was Huerta earlier." John began before pausing.

Joker eyed him for several seconds before reaching out a hand and grasping John's in his own.

'Hey, it's okay. Just tell me." He stated.

John huffed a laugh. Trust Joker to attempt to comfort him when he was supposed to be the one comforting the other. "Right. Well I overheard a conversation between two Asari, a doctor and a Commando. They…they mentioned Tiptree." John paused again and looked toward Joker at the announcement.

The pilot's eyes had widened slightly at the mention of the colony before he swallowed and tightened his grip on John's hand. "Yeah?" he croaked.

John in return squeezed Joker's hand in return before continuing slowly. "The Commando mentioned coming across a farm girl during the invasion, said her name was Hilary and that she wanted to be a pilot." He said quietly.

Joker hissed in a sharp breath and closed his eyes. "John…" he whispered shakily. "Tell me that this story ends happily?"

"Joker…Jeff, I'm sorry." John replied softly.

Joker turned his head away from John and clenched his free hand into a fist and brought it up to his mouth. "Don't…just…please." He begged quietly.

John didn't know what to do. He knew he was supposed to do something but God help him if he knew what it was supposed to be. Growing up in the streets back on Earth didn't allow for gentleness and sympathy, neither did having your entire squad slaughtered before you by Thresher Maws. Hesitantly John reached out and pulled the sobbing pilot into his chest and wrapped his arms around the shaking shoulders. "I got you." He whispered softly. "I got you."

John noted after some time he had begun to gently rock from side to side without realising it. He did note however, that the action had brought some form of comfort to Joker as the pilot's sobs had dwindled down to the odd sniffle and while he was still buried in John's chest he had relaxed his death grip on the biotic's torso.

"What happened to her?"

John stilled at the muffled question that came from near his chest and bit his lip. God, of all the questions Joker could have asked it had to be that one. "Jeff." He cautioned.

"No John, I need to know what happened to Gunny." Joker cried. "Did she…did she get turned into a-a husk?"

John sighed softly at the tiny voice Joker's question was asked in. "No, Jeff." He replied quietly. _Don't ask again._ He begged internally.

"So the Reapers just killed her?"

John bit his lip and pulled Joker closer. _Dammit._ "No."

He felt Joker shift against him at the quiet answer and looked down to see the pilot's tearfully green eyes looking up at him in confusion. "Then how…?" he began before trailing off in dawning horror as the realisation sank in. "The Commando…"

"Jeff, I'm so sorry." John whispered once more. He brought up a hand and gently brushed away the tear tracks running down the side of Joker's face with a thumb

"What-why would she…? She was only fifteen!" Joker cried angrily as he pushed John away forcefully and pushed to his feet. John jumped up to steady the pilot as he stumbled against the coffee table only to get pushed away again as the pilot stomped over to the fish tank.

"Jeff."

"No! Dammit that's not fair!" Joker shouted as he spun around and pointed an angry finger in John's direction. "Tell me how she could do that! How she could just-just…kill…" he broke off with a hiccupped sob and sagged against the tank before sliding slowly to the ground.

"Aww Jeff." John whispered before moving over to crouch before the other man and pulling him close. "She was hurt and the Commando-"

"It was a mercy killing then. Her injuries were going to kill her slowly and the Commando just ended her pain much quicker?" Joker interrupted with a question.

John hesitated. No that wasn't true but how could he crush the desperate hope colouring Joker's voice with the unpalatable truth? "Yeah, it was an act of mercy." He lied. God help him.

They remained in the same position for almost an hour with no noise but the bubbling tank before Joker's voice broke the silence.

"Can I stay here for a while?"

John lifted his head from the top of Joker's and looked down at the pilot. The other man hadn't moved and John gently ran a hand down the other's side. "Yeah. You can stay as long as you need to." He answered softly.

"Thanks." Joker replied before he tightened his grip around John's waist. "You too?" he asked his voice barely more than a whisper.

"Yeah, me too."

John looked down as he felt Joker's mouth twitch into a brief smile at his answer and he felt his own lips twitch in response. Things would be okay.

_**AN:** Well its my first ever update and upload of something I've written. Not Beta'd either so there is bound to be some mistakes and I'm pretty sure i didn't manage to capture the character's voices quite right but hey, practise makes perfect or so the saying goes._


End file.
